That's intense
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
