So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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