Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
