why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
