im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
