I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
