I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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