at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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