Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
