My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
