Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
