toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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