Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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