We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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