I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I want to have your abortion
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize