Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
