the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
