Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There's a naked man in my car right now.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
