In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
