I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
