wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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