You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
