party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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