Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
