I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize