never play flip cup with pint glasses
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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