I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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