Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i out mim tonsoeep
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