What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
