her facebook's as public as her vagina
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
