I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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