And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
