I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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