I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
