please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You can't special order awesome
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
