you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
