connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
