the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
