Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
