they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
