i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
