Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
