she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I wish there were birth control emojis
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
