he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
