someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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