Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
