Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
