I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
this just has baby written all over it
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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