Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
