I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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