Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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