so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
