hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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