Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I touched a dick in church today
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
