i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
