Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
