so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
someone owes me an orgasm
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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