JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
