So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
