So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
