I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
