im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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