I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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