woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize