A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
