i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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