First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
