I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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