And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
