the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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