I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
